June 2012
The Believer
There are times that you’ll realize if you really are a believer or not, or simply stuck in between. Last night a friend of mine shared a story of why he doesn’t believe in the concept of God. First quote he said was “Fuck God, I don’t believe in God. I hate Jesus, I hate Mama Mary.” and then elaborated why, I remember him saying that “If you need to eat why do you need to kill?”, “Why do you need to take a life to live another?”, “We are wrong, our being is wrong. I am Gay.”. Well he has his own reasons to not believe and I’ve got mine as well, but I still hold onto my faith in God. I agree to his claim that one should not kill to live, that one should not lead to death to have a life, but I just can’t seem to understand why he’s not mindful of what he’s doing as human. He consumes foods that have been killed by others. I think it’s not that he doesn’t just believe in him, but pure pride to not believe in him. I don’t blame him for thinking like that because I know he doesn’t have a perfect mind.
Pride is always the huge blockage that is not easy to wear off. I relate to him because I am part of “his” circle. That he has his pride to not let the teachings of the bible to push through. That he has pride to protect himself from the rejection of others. Pride to not be neglected by the most. He added that “He made us the way we are so, he should be the one responsible for our misconceptions about him.”, We should blame no one but ourselves, because what we have decided for ourselves will eventually become our core or our being. It depends on us if we will believe or not, on my account no one is born as a believer, but born with a vulnerable heart and mind. On the influence of others one might learn in a different way. Remember that we are all born as sinners and it is up to us to change that.
I have a different story, I am a believer, I know in my heart that there’s God. Some might question me because of the fact that it would be foolish to believe on who we don’t see, and who we don’t even know if existent. I admit there are times that I almost let loose to my grip on my faith because of my identity, my status in life and the never ending rejections of the many, but still I stayed strong. I feel him, to know him you just don’t open your mind but your heart as well. It takes a leap of faith.
I only have these following questions to non-believers because I know I can’t please anyone, and even my God can’t, evidently, I just want to know why can’t you believe in God but you can believe in Satan? Why worship evil than goodness? Why would seek for someone you also can’t see? Isn’t that contradicting your conjecture about GOD? I want to understand you, because we’re not perfect, and issues like these make me uncomfortable. And I don’t want to exclude myself, I am not perfect, not a saint, not a God or anything likely to be good or angelic, but I boastfully say that I am Human and I will never ever be EVIL to anyone. So to be fair here are my answers: I believe in God because I feel him, I don’t care about judgments of others because I only believe in the judgments of my God, I worship goodness because there’s too much evil around the world and I can’t bear in my thoughts and in my heart to join their army. When you close your eyes, you can’t see; but still you can see your dreams, and that’s basically how I can see God. It would be a relief to hear from you, my followers. I don’t want to offend you, and I just want us to respect each other.
